I have a five-year-old, a three-year-old and and twenty-one-month-old.
So the fighting in my house is pretty much non-stop.
My kids will roll about the floor in an epic battle over who will secure dominion over a train with one remaining wheel.
An action figure with a missing arm will suddenly come to represent the fulfillment of my son's every toy-based desire the moment his brother touches it.
Broken peach crayon says the baby? IT'S MINE! IT'S MINE! I HAD IT FIRST! ALLOW ME TO SHRIEK IN AN UNSPEAKABLY HIGH REGISTER IN ORDER TO CONVEY THE DEPTH OF MY CONVICTION ON THIS MATTER!
My oldest has a clear size advantage over his siblings, so my instinct has been to intervene in order to "make things fair" for the little ones.
"Hey!" I shout when I watch my oldest flat-out MUG his brother for a race car, "Give that back!"
Brother #1 then reluctantly hands his car back to Brother #2. Perhaps a coerced apology is issued. And peace is restored.
For approximately 4.8 seconds.
At which point Brother #2 puts the race car down. Then Brother #1 picks it up, which, of course reignites Brother #2's fervent passion for it. There are tears and cries of "I WAS PLAYING WITH THAT!!! GIVE IT BACK!!!!"
And I'm confused. Whose turn is it now? I mean, I'd established that Brother #2's original possession of the car made it "HIS TURN", but once he put it down I have to imagine that some sort of abandoned property statue would come into play? I try to sort it all out for myself but by this time both children are shrieking so loudly that I'm having trouble forming any cohesive thought.
Welcome to the murky world of TODDLER JUSTICE.
Another example:
I say Brother #1 gets a five-minute turn with the tablet and then it will be his sister's turn. Two minutes into his five-minute turn Brother #1 abandons the tablet and his little sister claims it.
So wait, do sister's five minutes start now?
Can Brother #2 claim priority until his five minutes have elapsed?
Does Brother #1 get an extra three minutes next time?
Or do we just abandon the the timing system entirely????
YEAH, I HAVE NO IDEA.
I've spent too much time lost in the morass of it all -- grabbing toys away from one child and attempting to redistribute them in a fair and equitable manner. The result, inevitably, is that everyone in the room (myself included) is tearfully feeling wronged.
So I've learned to err on the side of staying out of it. Sure, my older son's bigger, but the middle one is wily, and their sister is not afraid to utilize the "shriek of doom" in order to get her way. In general, I feel like it's a pretty fair fight.
Any form of violence, of course, is shut down immediately, but otherwise my advice on the subject is simple -- get out of the toddler justice business.
For good.
