My husband and I were married exactly nine months and seventeen days before our first son was born. So, you know, we didn't exactly have years of freewheeling, couple-based fun before we jumped on the express train to kid-town.
Even though my time alone with my husband was brief, it was enough for me to recognize that there is a HUGE difference between the way that people without kids communicate versus the way that people with kids communicate.
It's especially noticeable when it comes time to potty train.
My husband is super hands-on when it comes to our kids. He's been on the front lines of the potty training battleground, which has been great, especially since our first two trainees were boys. This means there are whole realms of potty-related issues that I handle with the simple statement "Talk to your Dad about that, okay?"
I love being part of a two-person, well-oiled, potty training machine, but I have to admit that it has its downsides. Dinner table conversations, which used to involve discussions of politics and news of the day, now revolve around potty use updates and debates on the M&M versus sticker chart techniques.
I used to ask my husband about his day and hear all about exciting updates in his field. Now when I ask him about his day it leads to a lengthy description of exactly how he is teaching our three-year-old to put on his own underwear.
And I'm just as guilty.
Before we had kids I would send my husband little texts throughout the day with messages like:
"Thinking of you!"
"Have I told you lately how great you are?"
"I'm making Osso Buco and molten chocolate cake for dinner! I know they're your fave!"
Now that we have a potty trainer at home my texts to my husband have taken on a whole different tenor:
"OMG look who went Number One in the potty!!!" [PICS ATTACHED]
"Ugh. These boys need to learn some aim - reserve some time this weekend."
"911! Need more Pampers® Easy Ups!! DO NOT COME HOME EMPTY-HANDED!"
..and I can assure you that the day my husband saw me walking towards him down the aisle all those years ago in a white dress he had no idea how many lectures he was in for regarding proper wiping technique.
At some point recently it became clear that my husband and I needed to stop talking about the potty.
I mean I'm all for working as a team -- but all things need limits.
So if you've got a training helper consider yourself lucky, but do what we've done and set some limits. Have a brief time each day (preferably not at mealtime) where you update each other on the potty training success and failures of the day and then find something else to talk about.
I'm mean, like, ANYTHING ELSE.
You'll be happy you did.
