Cuddle time is the perfect example of the mom-battle I have in my
head on a daily basis. See, I have two mommy personas in there. One who wants
to give my kids as much love as possible and make them feel comfortable at all
times, and the other who says “don’t be a sucker!”
And they come to battle at cuddle time.
I’m not sure if my son even likes cuddle time, or if he’s just
using it as a way to test limits. Usually, when I put him to bed, we’ll have a
few minutes of “cuddle time” before I get up and give him a final goodnight
kiss.
Lately, he’s been asking for “one more minute of cuddle time.” If
I give him one more minute, he’ll ask for another minute after that, and
another after that, and so on…
So, yes. I’m a bedtime sucker. I’ve been giving in. (“Okay, but
just ONE more minute…”) It never ends well. When I finally say no more, he gets
upset. He yells and screams, occasionally even waking up his sister in the next
room. And I say to myself, “why didn’t I just stop when I had the chance?”
I’ll tell you why: Because WHAT KIND OF MOTHER SAYS NO TO CUDDLE
TIME? It feels so awful to say, “No, I’m not going to cuddle with you anymore.”
I mean, isn’t that in the category of withholding love? It’s right up there
with spanking, right?
But I’m realizing that every time a kid wants more of something,
even if it’s cuddling, it’s our job as parents to set the limits. It’s—I can’t
believe I’m about to say this—for their own good. They need to know we
are in control. We need to know we’re in control.
So, I’ve decided on an exact number. 5. Five minutes of cuddle
time, then a goodnight kiss. No exceptions.
I may be turning into a drill sergeant. But I’m a cuddly drill sergeant.
(For five minutes, at least.)
